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Early this January, sometime after 3 a.m., alone in a rest stop bathroom, I walked along the wall of electric hand driers and, one by one, pressed each of the rusty metal buttons to turn each one on. A short minute later, when they had all shuddered to a stop, I did the same thing all over again. I kept it up for awhile. The unexpectedly deafening drone was vaguely unnerving, but my completely futile attempt to warm up the ice-cold bathroom before I took all my clothes off at least made me feel like I was doing something to improve my situation. Using the sink to wash up for the night also made me aware of something I hadn’t been aware of quite as clearly before — when you can’t seem to tell whether the water you are using is really hot or really cold, it’s actually really, really cold.

This past year, Joel and I drove over 44,000 miles, toured the country three times, and spent more than 100 nights sleeping in the back of our minivan. On tour, it’s the late, cold and lonely winter nights like these, after shows that we drove all day to get to, many attended by a mere handful of people, that we’ve found that it most strikes us that we must be either completely insane, or that there really is something that we madly, desperately desire.

This kind of desire though, desire that makes us willing to give up almost anything for what we are after, I have found to make, for both of us, a most wily, dangerous ally. For when I don’t want anything at all if I can’t have what I want, there is a jealousy, a lustfulness, an anger that lurks just beneath the surface, a force ready to destroy all I do have, all because I haven’t managed to transform it into the one thing I really wanted.

The Milestone, Charlotte, North Carolina - March 2012

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Comments ( 7 )

rock star status!

Jrod added these words on Mar 01 13 at 9:39 am

When you catch your breath – consider putting together a collection of your photos and look for a gallery to show them. And don’t forget about Wisconsin – since it is your home state you might be able to get some interest from UW galleries.

Kathleen added these words on Mar 01 13 at 2:35 pm

Thanks Kathleen, I never thought of that, but that definitely could be cool!

Amber added these words on Mar 01 13 at 2:44 pm

Awesome read! It’s always cool to hear from a hard-working band who gives it all for their craft. All the best this year, and hope to see you in Detroit again.

Sam added these words on Mar 01 13 at 7:58 pm

come back to CT to the Whitney House

Rob added these words on Mar 02 13 at 4:13 am

Amber, you need to stay out of Joel’s closet.

Matthew added these words on Mar 02 13 at 5:05 am

Well, Joel does let me borrow sometimes, but he always saves the shiniest and prettiest things for himself.

Amber added these words on Mar 02 13 at 9:00 am

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